“Night Terrors”

*Note: This short piece describes my experience as a seventeen year old patient just-hospitalized with aggressive depression and anxiety. I suffered brutal thoughts and challenges, and this poem sums up what happened every night in the hospital for a week and a half, as I lay wide awake, unable to sleep or even close my eyes to rest for a bit.*

The other eve, I lay in bed

…Wide awake, should be ‘sleep instead

But if I close my eyes, then I’ll have to fight

That consequential terror throughout the night

 

Your dreams take you to paradise

My nightmares throw me dead aside,

Lost ashore, no way to fuel

My shipwrecked dreams, unconscious stool

 

Truth and heel really guide my path

But my equilibrium’s been outta wack

Left to swing in frigid winds

Auro overwhelmed, weakness from within

 

“Open your eyes”…

 

But then I realize… I’m wide awake.

 

Now I lay me down to sleep

Pray the Lord my soul to keep

Forever now and yesterday

Been ready foooor release, escape

I always feel so far away

Play lost and found, soul’s out, astray

If I should die before I wake,

Tell mama it’s a better place

 

I don’t sleep well if my soul is shaken

Whole happiness and well-being’s been taken

Hospital walls scrawled with brawl and it scares me

Brick is the view, I look out they can’t see me

 

I’ve blue dreaming, lately things seeming

Out of my hands and my head hit the ceiling

Scared to close my eyes, reality’s been beating

All of the efforts put forth to succeeding

 

Jhene said if it’s dipped in gold

Then it won’t reach potential growth

But I know the coating’s better

Than this stormy, cloudy weather

When I crash down and close my eyes

Reality I may surmise

The dreams they’re darker than your eyes

The monster that resides inside my….

 

Mind.

 

I don’t sleep well if my soul is shaken

Whole happiness and well-being’s been taken

Hospital walls scrawled with brawl and it scares me

Brick is the view, I look out they can’t see me

 

The hollow it follows, a ghost in disguise

Finds nerve to appear when I’m closing my eyes

The swiper it is, it sneaks up from behind

Makes reality real in an unconscious mind

 

Dreams lead to escape

Take them bad thoughts away

But my nightmares baby

Turn my nights into days

Really can’t get a break

Lost my soul on the way

Can’t decipher the real from the wrong and the fake

 

I don’t sleep well if my soul is shaken

Whole happiness and well-being’s been taken

Hospital walls scrawled with brawl and it scares me

Brick is the view, I look out they can’t see me…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s